Escape Hatch

In America, you are free to walk away from any commitment, abdicate any duty, exonerate yourself of any responsibility by simply introducing the mere whisper of your sick child.

The Rooster

Sorry, the Great Depression, cancer, purple-pissing Japs and ghost grandma. Grandpa ain’t dying ’til the Cubs win the Series.


Be like water: relentlessly following the path of least resistance, but as mentioned earlier, doing so relentlessly.

Warm Front

When Ashley incorrectly identified a low pressure system as a “tornado herd” on yesterday’s broadcast, Melissa had no choice but to smile and nod dumbly in agreement. After all, Ashley was pushing some pretty serious sweater weight around the Action Team 6 morning newsroom.


The true measure of a man can be found somewhere deep within the dozens of mysterious boxes being carted from his house by law enforcement.

In with the New

Old pussy is like your favorite pair of comfortable shoes in that you’d never dream of fucking shoes.

Equality Warrior

Rural whites have traditionally enjoyed many social and economic advantages over inner-city Blacks, but meth is working on that.

Design Flaw

Self-checkout terminals work smoothly if you play by the rules. I don’t play by the rules.


I wish I could drain my body of fluids and just pump your approval through my veins.

Grizzled Veteran

You don’t have to be young to be a drunk, but when you get old, they do expect you to be a functional drunk.